Repercussions
by Katunei999
Summary: Terk had always known Tarzan. That doesn't mean she always liked him. "If you asked her what she thought of Tarzan, she would say pain."


Disclaimer: I do not own Tarzan, nor any of the characters. Wish I did though; Tarzan is too amazing for words.

Repercussions

Terk had never liked the hairless wonder. She sort of remembered when she first met him, when he was a little rat-like thing with a head too big to be supported by his body. She hadn't thought much of him, and didn't hesitate to vocalize it. She remembered feeling a tug of playfulness when he mussed up her hair; if there was one way to get in her good books, it was defying her mother's attempts to tame her unruly hair.

But even so, Terk wasn't stupid. She knew that the…thing was just a scrawny runt and that Kurchak didn't like it. If Kurchak didn't like it, just being _around_ it would get her the glare.

So she stayed away from it. Did everything in her power, in fact, to ensure she was never anywhere near it.

But it was persistent. For whatever reason, the thing had gotten attached to her. It would grab at her fur and offer her food and cry whenever she shook it off. It never bothered her when it cried, but it did make it seem a little more…ape. She never really considered it to be an ape, just an _it_, but when it cried like that, she couldn't ignore the emotion in its eyes. She even felt the slightest hint of _guilt _when Kala acted all lovingly around it, soothing and protecting it from the mean bully Terk.

As it got a little older, it started to toddle around, looking like a complete idiot in her opinion. The hair started growing on its head, but nowhere else. It continued to be a skinned rat masquerading as an ape, just barely being able to speak comprehensive animal.

Which brought her to another weird point.

Everyone figured when (if) the thing started talking, it would say something generic like 'Momma' or 'banana' or 'someone smack me around the head because I'm no use for anything else'. But no. It had to be difficult.

She was minding her own business, trying to yank the thing off her without hurting it too bad (Aunty Kala would chew her out). But it had gotten even _more_ persistent with age, and refused to be shaken off, clinging to her leg for dear life. Annoyance clouded her thoughts, and she roughly _flung_ it off her leg, sending it tumbling into a near-by tree. Her first thought was relief. Then there was the panic. Not panic it would be hurt. Just the fear of what would happen to _her_ if Kala found out she killed her baby. She contemplated what she should do when the thing gurgled, and she thought for sure it would scream and wail like the banshee it was. But instead, it decided to mess with her.

"Terk…"

She stopped short. She glanced around, sure she had been caught red-handed. When she saw no one, she relaxed.

"Terk…!"

There it was again. _It couldn't be_, she thought. _There's no way._ Even so, she turned around and eyed the thing warily.

It was collapsed on the floor, looking battered and short on breath. It was looking up on her from the cold ground, eyes weeping in pain and agony and longing and all other things she hadn't seen before. Not after Aunty Kala. There was a trickle of red liquid dripping from its mouth, but even so it choked it back and uttered that blasted name again.

"Terk…!"

It stretched one puny arm towards her, tiny fingers twitching as it grasped for her.

She didn't even think about it. Not really. One second she was watching it in distain and the next she had her own hand clasped around its, trying to assess the damage. A small part of her mind was disgusted with her, but the majority was too busy worrying about the thing. She knew what the red stuff was, instinctively. It was blood. She wiped it away, only to have the thing spout more up. It coughed and gagged, and Terk realized belatedly that it could be choking. She tilted its head forward, letting the blood run down, all the while holding its hand. When she pulled her hand away from its head, it was damp.

More blood.

A head injury. Those could kill. Her cousin Jared fell once, banged his head. He went to sleep and never woke up again. It was recent, and the memory made her twitchy as she glanced at the blood soaking its hair.

Terk's fist tightened. She knew what she had to do.

She brought the thing to Aunty Kala. Terk knew she would be mad, upset, ashamed. After all, she really had been caught red-handed this time. But she hadn't been prepared for the inconsolable sobbing.

"Tarzan! Tarzan! My son!" Aunty Kala had wailed. "No, my son! Please be alright! Please live! Tarzan!"

Terk heard that repeatedly all night long. She never had to explain herself or how it had become this way; little but Aunty Kala cared for the thing, and she was too _grateful_ to Terk to ask what had happened.

But there was something about that day; something about the way Aunty Kala, one of her own, had wept its name like a martyr. Something about the way the way the other adults has looked on in pity; something about the way the thing continued to murmur her name even as it slept.

Something about that day shifted a small gear inside her. Nothing major, nothing final. It just shifted the way she looked at the thing. At the boy.

The way she looked at Tarzan.

His name was Tarzan.

* * *

Tarzan was quite possibly the most _stupid_ gorilla she had ever met. He believed everything she – or anyone else – said. He believed her when she said she hadn't _meant _to ditch him, it was an accident. He believed Aunty Kala when she said he could be a great gorilla.

He believed Kurchak every time he said, 'You will never be one of us'.

Terk was not one for sentimental emotions, but ever since the…incident, she had become slightly _protective _of the boy. Not fond, no, not a chance. But simply _protective_ whenever Tarzan was concerned. After all, he was like a baby, even though he was already six. He could barely _walk_ without screwing something up. He was a useless ape and everyone knew it.

But even so, she managed to feel like shumck every time she told him, 'No Tarzan, we can't hang out' or 'No Tarzan, I don't want to wrestle'. His face would fall like she had kicked him. He would get this weird dip in his eyebrows and his lips would pout slightly, and it made her chest uncomfortable. He would give a dejected reply, before slowly ambling off to hide in a tree somewhere.

But that wasn't the worst part. That was the easy part.

The worst part was when she _pretended_ she liked him. Pretended that _of course_ she wanted to hang out with him, but 'insert excuse'. Reject him on a day-to-day basis, but occasionally dangle that one thread of hope in front of his face like a mango and watch him jump hoops to get it. That was the worst part. Watching his face light up as if she had offered to be his best friend, then see that light stabbed and killed off a little more each day until it looked as if he would never smile again.

But she didn't want Tarzan to lose his smile. So she would lie again. Tell him how much she wanted to wrestle with him, how much she '_wished she could, but she can't today'_. Watch the smile light up his face, screwing up her head as she thought of how much pain he must go through daily if only a 'maybe next time' was his hope, his happiness. Relight the fire, only to realize she had to kill it, quickly, before he got the wrong idea. And she did. Repeatedly. Over and over, determined this time that she would end it. But she never had the strength, the resolve to look into those green, glassy orbs and tell him it was the end.

Over and over, again and again. A repeating cycle. A rebirth of anguish and slow, sweet torture, never ending as she continually lit the flame.

There were days when Terk wondered why he bothered. Until she realised that she was the best bet he had. The single gorilla his age who gave him some hope to go on. Something other than ridicule. _Guilt_ was a growing thing these days. It made her feel small.

If you asked her what she thought of Tarzan, she would say pain_._

* * *

It hadn't taken long after the piranha incident for Terk to begin acting like a _real _friend. Nothing less would suffice, seeing as this was the _second_ time she had nearly gotten him killed. She surprised herself. She grew to actually…like Tarzan. She realised she didn't need to feel _guilt_ or pain around Tarzan anymore. The _guilt_ was an aftermath of being cruel, and after she stopped being cruel, the _guilt_ went away. It was almost fun.

She grew to enjoy there wrestling matches, enjoy their time together. Terk had never seen him happier. He continued to work hard to become a good gorilla, and as his teenage years started kicking in, you could see the improvement. Actually _see it_, what with him swinging around on vines like a baboon. Eventually, she was proud to claim herself as his best friend, the one who believed in him. Apparently it had some heavy significance on Tarzan as well, as he grew more and more confident in himself and the fact that he belonged. Which is why it was odd to wake up one morning and see him moping around like a widow.

"What's the matter with you?" Terk asked rudely. There was no need to be polite, or even civil to Tarzan if you were his friend. He was so grateful to have you around that he wouldn't push you away for anything, let alone for something he had come to believe he _deserved_ (she would always blame Kurchak for that).

"Nothing, Terk." He murmured. He was always murmuring, always polite.

"Like I believe that elephant dung. Seriously, what's got your fur in a twist?"

He bristled and shot me a glare. "I said nothing, damnit!"

She froze. Tarzan didn't get angry. He certainly didn't _curse_. Whatever was upsetting him, it had to be pretty big.

He noticed her expression and quickly reformed. His face became apologetic, though it was still vexed with frustration – at his problem or her, she couldn't tell. "Sorry. Really, I'm sorry, I just…" He grunted. He never had a way with words.

She patted his shoulder. "Just tell me what's on your mind, big guy." He began to shake his head, but she ploughed forward. "I'm serious, talking 'bout it can make it easier to deal with."

"You wouldn't understand…" He brushed her hand away, and it felt bizarrely like rejection.

"You won't know unless you try me." She retaliated.

He was quiet for a long time. She wondered if her words had any impact at all, and briefly thought of retreating, when he spoke up quietly. "I'm not a gorilla." He muttered.

She rose an eyebrow. "When'd you figure that one out?"

He grimaced. "It's mating season."

She sputtered and stammered silently for a minute before questioning him. "And that has to do with you because…?"

"That precisely it." He turned to look in her eyes, then faced away again, downcast. "That's precisely my problem."

"Wha…?" She said dumbly.

He sighed heavily, before turning to face her properly. "When you look at me, what do you see?"

"Tarzan."

Scrunched eyebrows and an evident frown. "_What _do you see? Not who, but _what_?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but found that she couldn't. No one knew what Tarzan was exactly. Just that he wasn't a gorilla.

He seemed to read her thoughts. He turned away again and stared intently at his own hands. "I've always tried to…be a gorilla. To fit in. But…what's the point? When I'm an adult and it's mating season, can you honestly imagine _anyone_ who would think about picking me?" His hands clenched into fists, like mine had a lifetime ago over his bleeding skull. "Even if I won. Even if I proved I can be _something_…can you really believe that there would be…someone? Anyone…?"

He uncurled his fists and glanced at her face. Whatever he saw there shocked him out of his monologue and he went back to being the Tarzan she knew. The Tarzan she thought she knew. "Sorry. Too much information." He murmured. "See you later." He leapt away into the trees, seemingly more eager to escape then face her opinion.

She sat there for a long time. Just sat. And thought. And really, truly _tried_ to imagine a realistic situation where someone would want to be romantically involved with her best friend. It made her heart hurt in ways it hadn't hurt before when she realized she couldn't. Tarzan's conclusion was spot on.

How depressing. How heart-breaking. How infuriating. She couldn't determine which emotion was stronger, so she settled with the last one, knowing it was the safest path.

How messed up. How utterly _fucked-up_. You bring a child into a family that hates him (or at least dislikes him), convince him to fight for acceptance, raise him with insecurities, than let him figure out for himself that he'll never find happiness with an equal. He'll never _be _an equal; just the freak show that nobody wants. She couldn't decide what was worse; that Tarzan had decided no one would want him automatically, or that he was right. Because who would want him?

_You would._

That was different and she knew it.

Terk sighed heavily and leaned back on the tree. She knew _she_ would take Tarzan, but that was because he was Terk's best friend. She'd do anything for the big lug. Even mate with him.

Because, she thought distantly, it's not as if she would hate it. She could really picture it, living life with Tarzan, and she couldn't recognize any problems. Sure, some other girls would find Tarzan freaky looking, but Terk couldn't see it. All Terk saw was her best friend; hairless, true, but certainly no wild boar. Anybody could see that he had plenty of muscles to spare, and he'd already proven he could survive and take care of himself. Terk saw all of this. She knew, all other issues aside, he would be a good mate.

However, there _were_ issues. For all Kala had tried, everybody could see that Tarzan was _not_ a gorilla. It wasn't his fault, of course, but that didn't change the facts. Even if you ignored his appearance, there was still the question of whether he could have children. If he did have children, what would they be? Gorilla, Tarzan, some weird creature stuck in between? No one knew. Even his life-span had to be guessed at. He appeared to grow at the same rate as an average gorilla, but who knew? He could suddenly drop dead any day, and everybody would have to assume it was normal.

Terk saw all of this. She just didn't care.

Who wants children anyway? As far as she could tell, all they did was scream and poop and cry a lot like she did as a kid. She had _never_ wanted children, and she was pretty sure nobody could picture her as a mother. As for his life-span…

Terk scowled and picked at the tree trunk. Yes, his life-span was an issue. A big issue. If Tarzan _dare_ tried to croak out while he was mated to _her_, boy was he in for it. Even if they weren't mated, they were best pals. There wasn't a chance in hell he was going to outlive her! And she knew she wouldn't take it well. Tantor was great and all, but Terk and Tarzan had been together since they were brats. If Tarzan died on her…nothing would be the same again. She was sure of that.

So, weighing out the positives and the negatives, Terk knew she'd be plenty happy being mated with Tarzan. Quite frankly, he was the _only_ gorilla she could ever imagine mating with. Anyone else and she could practically vomit. In the end, he decision was made. When it came to mating season and they were the right age, she'd pick Tarzan to be her mate. Her mother wouldn't be happy, but who the hell cared?

It surprised Terk how quickly she made her decision. She thought she'd at least spend longer thinking about it, but maybe she had already chosen long ago. She was calm and cool as she considered how to get Tarzan to accept.

Because she knew Tarzan would probably reject her at first. He'd throw a little hissy fit and tell her 'You don't have to feel sorry for me!' and 'You deserve a _real _gorilla.' But she'd win him around somehow. Terk didn't know how, but she would work some magic and get Tarzan to see it her way. After all, Tarzan was the only one left for her now. She felt a little stupid for not realizing earlier how _boring_ and _useless_ other guys seemed to her compared to Tarzan. Tarzan was the best. And Terk couldn't live with second best.

Besides, when it came down to it, she knew she loved him. Maybe not in a romantic way, but in every other way that counted. Hell, maybe she would come to love him romantically anyway. She knew Tarzan loved her. At least as a friend. If she pushed him, Terk knew he would eventually give.

Terk smiled as her plan came together. She relaxed against the trunk and decided to settle down for a nap. By next year, the two of them would be sixteen. They'd _both_ be ready for mating…and she'd have laid every trap in the book to get Tarzan to fall for her.

Come next year, Tarzan would be all hers.

* * *

Hi everyone, I'm Katunei999!

I came up with this after watching _Tarzan_ for the millionth time (I seriously love that movie) and thought, "They actually wouldn't be bad together." I know that they weren't in love, but the two were definitely close.

The way I wrote it seems a bit melodramatic, but that just seems to be what I do best. And it always got to me that Tarzan nearly got himself _killed_, so he could get the approval of a pair of nitwits who had named him "the hairless wonder". And to his face! Terk seemed to be somewhat protective of him, so I spun that into a series of events that could have made that possible.

The ending I had for it was leading up to the beginning of the movie; so in the end, Terk never got the chance to 'woo' Tarzan. However, I think it's also nice to imagine it as how it would be if Tarzan had never met Jane. I think he would have had a lot more difficulties and insecurities about his place in his family, but I don't think happiness could have eluded him for long.

Katunei999 X X X


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